The Onion ( @TheOnion ) Twitter Profile

TheOnion

The Onion

America's Finest News Source.

Joined on 4 March, 2008

https://www.theonion.com/

  • 39.6k Tweets
  • 11.6m Followers
  • 7 Following

Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?

 2,444  70  243  Download

‘So, It Means Making The Police Lose Their Homes And Forcing Them To Get A Divorce?’ Says Nation Still Struggling To Understand How Defunding The Police Works

 1,400  9  168  Download

FDA Delays Emergency Vaccine Approval Until They Finish Evaluating New Bagged Salad Kit

 1,159  18  81  Download

Frightened Don Jr. Asks If He Can Sleep In Dad’s Bed After Bad Dream About Being Indicted

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A federal advisory committee voted Tuesday to affirm CDC director Robert Redfield’s recommendation that healthcare workers and nursing home residents get priority in receiving the coronavirus vaccine when it becomes available. #WhatDoYouThink?

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Go ahead and try to fill the infinite void in your soul with merchandise at the Onion Store. Use promo code CYBERWEEK for 15% off

 174  7  6  Download

NFL Suspends Steelers Roster For Breaking Coronavirus Protocol By Playing Ravens

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Fact-Checking ‘The Crown’

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Concerns About Nuclear Iran Grow After Periodic Table Poster Spotted In Tehran High School

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Ungrateful Pricks On Sidewalk Not Even Glancing At Christmas Tree Placed In Window To Bring Them Holiday Cheer

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‘Oh, God, What Have I Done!’ Cries Matt Patricia After Discovering Pencil Fused To Ear

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DOJ Vows To Prosecute Any Pay-For-Pardon Offers Trying To Lowball President

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Replying to @KartoonistKelly: If you know a Sicko, do your duty and get them the shirt that will alert the rest of us.
On sale now at "The Onion Sto…

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Barr Announces No Widespread Election Fraud After Clicking Warning Label On Flagged Trump Tweets

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If you know a Sicko, do your duty and get them the shirt that will alert the rest of us.
On sale now at "The Onion Store." My best, Kelly

 1,110  32  409  Download

Nation’s Long-Haired Old Men In Flowy Linen Shirts Announce You Are Loved

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Panhandler Really Appreciates It When People Make A Big Show Out Of Patting All Their Pockets

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New Report Finds Computers Actually Outpaced Human Intelligence Back With Commodore 64

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Insatiable Jeff Bezos Launches New E-Commerce Site ‘Bezylon’ To Undercut Amazon

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Herd Of Crossfitters Stampeding Down Sidewalk Like Startled Wild Boars

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Report: We Don’t Make Any Money If You Don’t Click The Fucking Link

 49,077  1,265  7,097  Download

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